LONELINESS

   In 1994 I put some thoughts about loneliness on a piece of paper. Since that time I have learned a lot more about being lonely.
   My wife of 57 years passed away in 2012 and my son passed away in 2013. They died about three months apart. I don't know about anyone else but for me it took a while for the loneliness to settle in. However it did come and it was a lot different than anything I had imagined.
   I can truly say I love the people around me (both family and friends) that cheered me up, came by and talked about old times, and fed me, or in other words just continued to be friends.
   One thing that was hard for me before Donnie passed away was when someone was grieving, I did not to know what to say so I would just not say anything. I have found out that at least in my case it has been far better to talk about it than to ignore it.
   Thanks to all my friends and family and here are a few thoughts on loneliness penned in 1994

LONELINESS        30 Apr 1994

Loneliness arrives with the winter snow
Far more often than when flowers grow.
The dark comes sooner, both eve and morn,
And lonely thoughts, then seem to be born

Winter brings darkness, and the wind doth blow.

And many don’t visit, because of the snow.

Loneliness does not arrive all at once I fear.

But its pain is as real as the point of a spear.

Lonely has been here from the creation I believe.
Adam was lonely so God created his Eve.
Loneliness does not come to just we who are old.
The young also get lonely, or so I’ve been told.

 One Sunday I was pondering on what it is to be lonely and if being lonely was any different in our modern times, than it was in times past?

 Many things went through my mind. I thought of the loneliness of Moroni in the D&C, Moroni 8:2-3, where all the Nephites were killed except Moroni. He had watched them being killed. Even his father had been killed and he was all alone in a country where he was being pursued. Imagine the loneliness he felt. In Moroni 1:1 he just finished abridging the plates and states, “he has not perished but he is still in hiding, lest he should be destroyed.” And in Moroni 10:34 he is still alone and knows he is going to die. It is hard for me to imagine the loneliness he must have felt at that time.

 While meditating I thought of some of the times I have felt lonely or alone. Not nearly as intense as Moroni’s situation but nevertheless, indeed lonely.

 You might ask if it is possible to be lonely with people all around you. I can answer that. Indeed it is. In the many years I have traveled for my work, I found many times there were people all around me. But indeed I still felt all alone. When the day was done, they went to their homes and families and I had to go to the four walls of a motel room in a strange town.

 I recall one time while visiting the sick at a rest home a little old elderly lady came up to me and said, “when you get through talking to that man would you mind coming and talking to me for a few minutes.” It tugged at my heart to realize that here was a lady who’s only wish at that moment was to have someone spend a few minutes to talk to her. Oh, how lonely she must have felt.

 Then the thought, do loneliness and fear go together? I recall at least one time when this was true. My daughter and I had gone snowmobiling and we got one of the machines stuck in some new powder snow by our cabin. I decided to take the other machine and go around the road to make a trail so she could follow it out. I started down the road and got in some very deep powder. I did not dare stop as I was afraid I would get the second machine stuck so I kept going farther away, always hoping to turn around and head back to the cabin. Just as I must have known it would happen, I finally bogged down in the powder snow and could not get out. I was afraid. I was alone! To make a long story short I was rescued by three guys who I am sure were angels. After trying everything I could think of I had prayed intensely, and just a few minutes after that here came three guys on snowmobiles and got me out. I was alone, snowbound and I was afraid for my daughter who I had left up by the cabin. I don’t know which was the worst, the fear or the being alone, and as I said maybe they are connected.

 I have been alone in my own home for a few days and I did not like it. I guess we humans are not designed to enjoy being alone.

 Back to my thoughts of can you feel alone in the presence of other people? Imagine Joseph Smiths feeling when he was in Liberty Jail. My 3^rd Great Grandfather, Caleb Baldwin was with him in that dungeon and I cannot even begin to imagine how they felt. They must have felt alone and abandoned, for Joseph asked the Lord, “O God, Where art thou?” Just to read the D&C 121:1-6 makes me cringe at how alone and forgotten these brethren must have felt.

 I have thought many times of how lonely people must feel when their loved ones pass beyond the veil. What could be more lonely than being left behind, alone? After spending most of your life with someone I guess the only thing that could be worse would be to not understand that if we live the Gospel as best we can, our loneliness will only be for a short time and then we also will pass the veil and be together with our loved ones.