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Monday, November 30, 2015

DO IT YOURSELF

DO IT YOURSELF






   Things are a little different as you get older! At least today was a little different than my normal days, if there is such a thing as a normal day, when you are --older than dirt. 
   I got up today and done all my normal things, shower, read the newspaper, made my bed, the went to MacDonald's for my usual breakfast treat---A #2 w/Large Diet Coke--easy ice. I think the gal has it memorized by now.
   I ate and headed for home. Well when I got here, what to my wondering ears did I hear----- The Carbon Monoxide detector doing it's "beep", "beep" thing.
   The first thing that went through my head was, "can I reach it to take it down, without a ladder?(I have been banned from ladders by my daughters.) 
   Well of course I could---with my left hand holding up my right arm, I finally got the detector off the wall. I changed the batteries and turned it back on. It still kept beeping! So I dug out the instruction manual (sure glad I never throw anything away.) Of course it says if it keeps beeping, either it has been in use to long and is not working properly (somewhat like me) or the batteries are not installed properly. Fat chance of that, they will only fit in ONE WAY. Sooooo I took it over to the fire station to have it checked out. Of course they told me it was either to old or the batteries were installed improperly. Imagine that?
   Well at that point I decided to opt for the old and worn out situation. (I felt I could relate to the worn out thing!) I went to one of the big box stores and found out of course they do not make that model anymore, but they have a replacement that is only about $60.00. I took it and started for the door, but then decided to be frugal. I put it back on the shelf and came home and fired up (Myrtle) my computer and checked out the page for the company that made my old detector. Yes they have a DIRECT replacement, and yes they do cost about $60.00 (at the big box stores.) However you can get them at True Value Stores for $29.00. --WHAT, you mean the exact same thing? Yup the exact same one.
   Well so as not to make this (Very interesting??) Blog any longer, I went to True Value Store and got one. I came home and did the reverse procedure of holding my right arm up with my left hand, I got the screws in the wall and "Viola" I now have a new CO detector.
   Oh ya, and by the way, it only took me about 1/2 a day!!

   GETTING OLD IS GRAND --SOME DAYS?   
   

Friday, November 27, 2015

SANTA CLAUS

                        SANTA CLAUS


   The frazzled Mom almost dragged her little boy into the barber shop for a haircut. He had needed one for a couple of weeks now, and it was either today--- or who knows when?
   The first words out of the boy’s mouth were, “well how long is this going to take?” As if he had anything more important to do?
   Then he heard a voice from one of the chairs in the front of the shop. “You seem to be in a big hurry young man.”
   There was a big man just getting out of the barber chair. He had a full head of white curly hair and a large white beard, with a pair of little wire rim glasses perched on his nose.
   The young boy just about choked as he starred at him, and said in a voice of wonderment, “are you Santa Claus?”
   And the questions kept coming, not even giving the man time to answer them--- “Do you live in our town or at the North Pole?” “How come you have on Levi’s a plaid shirt and boots?” The boy hurriedly looked out the window and then went on; “and where are your reindeer, and where do you get all the toys?”
   The man put his hand in the air and said, “Whoa, slow down and wait a minute, you are asking questions so fast I can’t even answer them.”
   The barber had great big smile on his face as he flipped his neck cloth that was around the big man’s neck, and big bunches of white hair fell on the floor.
   First off, the man said, “Do you have a name?” The boy said, “Yes sir I sure do. It is Jimmy Hanover, but I like Just Jim better.”
   The man put his hand on the boys shoulder and said,”Come on Jim, let’s sit over here on the bench while we wait for your turn, and I will try and answer your questions.” 
   They sit down and the man said,”Jim I guess that lady that you came in with is your Mom isn’t she.” Jim reckoned that yup it sure was.
   Then the conversation went on; “You asked about the red suit, well it is hard to keep clean so I suppose Santa would only wear it for special occasions, and Christmas sure is one of those special occasions. I am sure Mrs. Claus keeps it clean, hung up and ready to go, especially for the Christmas. I would think Santa wears Levi’s and plaid shirts and boots for work, just like I and most men do.         Jim chimed in, “My dad is in the hospital. He was in a car wreck, but we are hoping he will be home for Christmas.”
   The man said he was sorry to hear that and that he also hoped that Jim’s dad would be home for the Christmas Holidays.
   Jim was listening so intently that he had forgotten that his Mom was there. She called him and said, “Jimmy you come right over here and sit by me, and quit bothering that man.” The big man said, “That is OK ma’am, I love talking to kids.” She told him that it was alright but if he was a bother to him to just send him right over to her, because as you have already found out he is quite a chatter-box.
   Well now you ask about the reindeer, and I am sure you know it is a long way to go clear around the world in One Night, so I think the reindeer just eat and rest most of the time. That is of course all except Rudolph, and I think he just kind of does his own thing most of the time.
   I think Santa just drives a car most of the time, at least until the snow gets to deep. In fact it is probably a lot like that big old Buick Roadmaster, parked out there in the street. It is that red car that looks like it has big teeth in the front, but it is really just the grill.
   Jim seemed to think for a minute and then said,”How come no one sees Santa except at Christmas time?”
   Oh I think people see him and just don’t know it. He probably looks a lot like me when he does not have his Red Suit on. I also am sure he is very, very busy, helping and supervising the Elves. They work all year long getting everything ready for Christmas.
   I suppose he travels around a lot in that big red Buick said Jim.  “Do you think he does Mister?
   Then Jim asked the man if he had a name? He said, Yes I do. It is Nicholas but I prefer “Nick”.
   Jim then told him that his Mom made him call older people Mr. of Mrs. So is it OK if I call you Mr. Nick? Nick told Jim that would be fine, in fact he liked it.
   Jim then asked his new friend Nick if he thought there was snow at the North Pole all year long, and was it cold all the time? Nick told him that he was pretty sure there was snow all the time but he would be surprised if Mr. and Mrs. CLAUS got cold. He told Jim he was pretty sure that they were always toasty warm, and singing and having fun as they worked making toys and getting the sleigh in tip top shape for Christmas Eve.
   Jim set quiet for a few minutes and then looked at Mr. Nick and said, “Are you old Mr. Nick?” Oh my yes, he answered. I am probably just as old as Santa Claus.
   Just then “Blackie” the barber took the neck cloth off of the man in the chair, flipped the hair off and called out, come on Jim you are next.
   Jim headed for the chair, but just as he was going to get in the chair he called to Mr. Nick, “You never did tell me if you were Santa Claus or not.” Nick looked at him, with blue twinkling eyes and said, “Well what do you think Jim?”
   Jim thought for a minute then answered, “well I really think you must be because you are so nice to talk to, and most old people do not like to talk to kids.”
   Mr. Nick said, “Jim I think you are a real smart boy and I agree with you.” Jim got in the chair and Mr. Nick handed Jim’s Mom 2 envelopes. He turned to the barber and said, “Ho Ho Ho “Blackie”, I will see you next time I pass through.
   Jims Mom looked at the envelopes that Nick had given her and one said, (Jim’s Mom open now). She opened it and the note said—I will be bringing Jim a shiny Flexible Flyer Sled for Christmas but do not tell him. The 2nd envelope said (Jim-Open Now.)  Jim’s Mom gave him the note it simply said—Jim you are a good boy and I will be bringing you a wonderful gift for Christmas.—and Thanks for visiting with me at the barber shop today—SANTA
                                                              SO
                        Did Jim visit with SANTA in the barber shop—perhaps?
                Did Jim get a new Flexible Flyer for Christmas---Of course he did.
         Does Jim believe in Santa Claus---of course he does: And so does his Mom.

WRBaldwin

27 Nov 2015

Thursday, November 19, 2015

MOMSENSE



MOMSENSE









I got this off of the Internet several years ago. So it is not mine! I do not know who originally posted it but as I have seen Mothers running around, and going to and fro getting ready for Thanksgiving I remembered it. When I read it a got a few chuckles out of it so I thought I would post it.
Momsense:
Get up now                                                         
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here's your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don't forget you got to feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it's the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today?
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon

So you must play
Don't shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don't play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don't forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don't make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don't sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up

Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You'll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you're older and you're grown
Can't wait 'til you have a couple little children of your own
You'll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I'll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, Get the door
Don't get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get in here I'll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a dose of...
I don't care who started it
You're grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven's sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?

If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before that
You're too old to act this way
It must be your father's DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don't forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends
You don't need the reason why
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I'm the Mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
The mom

Ta-da

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

CARL'S PHONE

CARL’S PHONE

Carl says: My phone rang last night, so I checked the caller I.D. to see who it was. The caller I.D. showed –Name Unavailable.
Now I ask you: why would I want to answer the phone of someone who does not want me to know ---who they are?

Sunday, November 1, 2015

CANTANKEROUS CARL'S TIME

CARL SAYS:
It is hard enough for me to remember that I have to be at a certain place at a certain time, without forgetting to change my clock to a different time and then remembering that I need to be somewhere at a certain time (but it really isn't that time, it is actually a DIFFERENT  time?) Then when I actually do get all my clocks changed-- I wonder if a actually changed them in the right direction?

So enough with all the clock changing OK???

I would say this (with tongue in cheek) but I am afraid I might bite my tongue with my false chompers.