Families Are Forever

FAMILIES ARE FOREVER

HOPEFULLY FRIENDS ARE ALSO

   We have a saying in our Church, ”Families are forever.” Also in our family we love to have what we call, Family Get Too Gathers.

   This past month we have had several of our get to gathers and at each one I have set off to the side in or on a chair and observed and thought about the past and the future. Many times the thoughts that kept coming to me were like a song from Fiddler On The Roof---“I don’t remember getting older.” Then later on they sing, “Swiftly fly the years.” (In fact the whole song seems to fit me. The title of the song is, Sunrise, Sunset.  But I digress-------

   While I sat on my chair in the corner or off to the side, during our last few get to gathers and reminisced, I thought it had not really been that long since I was sitting and holding my own children on my lap and telling them stories. Many of those stories were made up “fairy tales,” that I made up as I went along. However now my children have all grown up! They have married. They have their own children. (When did this all Happen? How fast it seems they have grown up. And now the Grand Children have children. The cycle just seems to go on and on and on. Our children grow up and leave home, and have children of their own, then their children leave home and do the same thing—and then the cycle starts again and goes on and on.

   A couple of thoughts that went through my mind, at our most recent family gathering were: when each of our children married and left home OUR own lives changed a little. At the family gathering, where I started thinking about doing a blog like this, there were four generations gathered together. Was it a coincidence that starting with the oldest (Me) did each younger generation become more active and noisy and vie for more attention? I am not complaining because I love being there watching and trying to understand what they were saying. Yes there was PLENTY of noise and my hearing aids have a hard time filtering it all out, but just being there and “snickering at it all “ is really worth it.: Some other changes that are interesting  are when the “empty nesters,” my generation, sit and watch our own children , who have become, “empty nesters” them self.” And it goes on and on and on from one generation to the next forever.

   When our children leave home, our life changes. Imagine that? Of course I cannot speak for others, but I know that there are many different reactions when children leave home for marriage, to go to school, or for any other reason. Some stay really connected to their children, whether they move across the country or just down the street. I also know some who just relax to be on their own.

   When someone leaves the family to get married, we get new relatives, that become our in-laws. Hopefully it is a good relationship and the families have similar life styles and become friends.

   Of course many times as you get older, you develop new friends. This happens both to the newlyweds and the Mom and Dad left at home.   

It is not always easy for Grandpa and Grandma to end up at home alone. And it is worse yet if one of them winds up REALLY ALONE. However it seems that is the natural thing that happens sooner or later to all of us Grand Parents.

   We end up in our Family home with our favorite activities. When the children have all left home we each seem to come up with our favorite activities. We each seem to have a favorite chair, our favorite hobbies and our most enjoyable individual activities. We also seem to develop favorite types of books, T.V. Shows and outside activities. This, like everything else does not seem to come naturally, we have to work at it.

   Sometimes it is not easy. Perhaps one turns into an extrovert and one ends up being an introvert. Sometimes even after many years of having children, being married and doing things together we find out there are things we like to do ourselves and in our own way. But that is OK— remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

   Divorce, Deaths or just moving--- whether it is across the country or just across town changes many things as we get older.

   It seems to be so easy to get together as a family for any occasion when, with a few phone calls everyone showed up at Grandma and Grandpa’s. Of course things are different as each family grows. And of course time marches on and every family grows and matures.

   It seems as families become larger, one person either becomes or is chosen to be the cornerstone for keeping a family together. That is very important in a family that wants to stay close to each other. Of course it is not always successful.

   A lot of changes come to a family as we all grow up and change and the kids have families of their own. One secret is to stay in touch, daily if possible, and if not at least as often as you can.  As I said earlier, one person will usually emerge or be appointed to be the spark-plug. (And guess what, sometimes it is a thankless job, but in the end it is well worth it.)

   Old friends either become more important or just disappear from our lives. I don’t think it happens because of a real effort on anyone’s part, but we just seem to grow apart from all but our special friends.

   Back to Fiddler on the Roof. Tevye, looking at his daughter says, “Is this the little girl I carried?” Then Golde says, “Wasn’t it yesterday when they were small.” Then in the end they all sing together, ”One season following another, Laden with happiness and tears.”

   If you have not watched the movie or read the words from Fiddler on the Roof, (One of my favorite movies), you should.

   Like I said when I started this blog; families can be forever and I hope , and believe that the vast majority have more happiness than tears.

Merry Christmas

W.R. Baldwin  December 2016