One year ago today I sit in a care center gripping my wife's hand and hoping she was not suffering as she was gasping for breath. After gripping her hand for only a few short minutes I felt the grip loosen and I knew she had passed on.
My first reaction was a selfish one as I immediately thought to myself. "what will I do without her." We had been together for over 56 years and now she had passed on. I honestly could not think of one thing that I might want to do by myself. As my mind went around in circles I kept coming back to, "what will I do without her?"
My youngest grandson Caleb had bought her a necklace for Christmas and wanted to know what to do about it. I took it and put it in Donnie's hand and told Caleb that when they dressed her for her funeral they would put it on her neck. He was happy with that.
After sitting here thinking about my mixed emotions I come to several conclusions. I am so happy that Donnie is not suffering anymore. She dealt with Diabetes and its many connected problems for years and she is now through with that. For that I am extremely happy.
Now that a year has passed I still miss holding her hand and talking of our memories. Thankfully I still have those memories.
I do not suppose I will ever stop missing her. Over this year I have at least realized she is in a much better place and hopefully she can use her loving influence to hold a place for me there.
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