HUGS

                                    HUGS

   I walked into the room where our family had gathered for what we call one of our family get to gathers. Immediately I started getting the “hugs” from everyone. This was nothing new it has happened as long as I can remember. Of course there are all kinds of “hugs.” Some people like to give you a great big bear hug that feels like they are breaking you in half. Then there are the ones that put their arms on your shoulder so light it feels like a feather just settled on you. But for the most part a hug is just a squeeze and a comment. As I have said this has been going on for years in our family.

   This particular day, when the hugs were all finished, I sat in my “observation chair” to watch and listen what was going on. I started thinking more deeply about “hugs.” (Why do I always have to do that—Ha Ha) Anyway at that point I had decided that “hugs” were a sign of affection or perhaps a feeling that you get when you have not seen a person for a long time and so a hug becomes a sign of a happy reunion. However even though it could be someone you have not seen since your childhood, it also could be someone who is a very good friend and you saw them just last week?

   Hugs are not all the same, there are some people who DO NOT LIKE a “hug”, for whatever reason? Their reaction if they get cornered is usually to turn their head and try to escape--- very uncomfortably I think? They may give you a “Hi” or something like that. Some people do not like a hug when they are in an emotional state, because a hug at that time usually starts the pent-up emotional tears to start to flow. However when they are emotional is exactly the time some people need a big sincere hug” and a comforting comment.

   I am about as far as you can get from being an English Major, but I think that “Hug” has to be an action word. A lot of times a “hug” happens spontaneously but it still takes a reason, feelings and some action for a sincere big hug.

   There are a lot of reasons for a “Hug.”

*Thanks for being there when I needed someone.

*Thanks for coming.

*Thanks for being so good with my kids.

*Thanks for dinner- lunch or breakfast.

*Thanks for just being a friend.

In addition to being an action word a “hug “is almost always connected with thanks in one way or another.

   A “hug” can also be a non-verbal feeling. They can be given without saying a word and both people feel the comfort, consolation or happiness that comes from a sincere “hug.”

   However I also have found out that a hug from a BIG OLDER ADULT to a toddler, in many cases is a scary thing for the toddler. I have seen –and had- a few cases where the Grandpa reaches out to give the Grandchild a hug and they run for MOM as fast as their little legs can carry them. They either hide behind Mom (their protector) or hold on to their leg so tight that Mom cannot move.

   My wife was in a wheelchair for the last few years she was with us and the coming and going ritual of “hugs” was an interesting thing. She loved “hugs” from all of her family and friends. When it was time for a party to break up she would set in her chair and wait to say goodbye to each one. The tall ones would almost bend in half to give her a hug and the little ones would crawl up on the wheelchair for a hug and they knew they would get a ride with grandma before they left.

   I have not taken a survey or anything like that but I personally think most “hugs” happen in a time of stress, a time of happiness, a time of joy or a time of extreme sadness and sometimes a combination of  some of them.

   I think a hug is GOOD THERAPY. I know I like a good sincere hug and I think most people do.

 

W.R. Baldwin

12 Nov 2014